January 2011
53 posts
“Sometimes the most moving, altering moments of life are in fact only moments....”
– April Monroe
Sometimes I need to be reminded. (via diana-vilibert)
this guy was going to Jamaica on vacation, and so...
New favorite dick joke via The Hairpin
“I think you’ll find that Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher’s new Romantic...”
– Submitted by brvtalbrodeo (via shitnoonehaseversaid)
Ludacris is in this. You wouldn’t have known b/c you’re not going to watch this. No one will except for that one girl I overheard saying, “That looks really good!”
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Ways to be Successfully Unemployed →
lovestampede:
i wrote this thing for the hairpin!
This made my salary negotiations webinar a little more bearable. Actually, it’s still going on right now and I’m posting this w/the phone on mute. I love muting! I also love watching the squirrels run on telephone wires outside of my window. And the mailman, how he is all bundled up w/his face all scrunchy, braving the wind and cold...
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Top 100 Reasons to Work with Us
8. First Date Dress Code
What does that even mean? Shiny shirt if you’re a guy? Perfume in your cleave if you’re a girl?
I wish I could link this place’s website b/c the CEO is AMAZING. His name, his hair, his face. Everything is unreal. And the website is so ugly and 90’s; it’s full of awkward and cheesy stock photos. Picture of business people in suits jumping?...
You know what's gross?
When you’re eating something and you burp and get a taste of something you ate earlier and the flavors totally clash. Example: eating roasted garlic hummus with pretzel crisps and being interrupted by a vanilla Drumstick ice cream cone burp.
And no, I’m neither stoned nor pregnant. I just eat like I’m both.
WatchLet’s watch this and talk about it together, okay? The ending killed me.
lou-bot replied to your post: One for Blue Valentine, please
the sex scenes were hot though right bro?
I think just one scene was ladyboner territory but I won’t say which one b/c I don’t want to spoil it for people. I really don’t get why it got the NC-17 rating at first, though.
bthny replied to your post: One for Blue Valentine, please
even if it’s not THAT sad I’m scared to see it in a theater/in public because I am a Crier and will probably bawl, just because that’s how I am. you know?
I’m kind of a wet rag these days so I was really scared I’d lose my shit in the theater which would’ve been especially embarrassing since it was oddly crowded for a...
One for Blue Valentine, please
Blue Valentine wasn’t that sad. Maybe it was because I was nine months pregnant with pee for about 3/4 of the movie or maybe it’s because I’m dead inside. Either way I left dry eyed. Can’t say the same for this other movie loner. She came into the ladies room afterward, eyes all leaky and red. I wanted to be like, “Girl, you want to see something sadder? Take a look...
So glad I wasn’t allergic to these guys. I guess air filters make a big difference (Paula, get one so I can come over/house sit!).
My friend, Beef
Beef: do you like that mayonaise shrimp at chinese wedding banquets me: hm never seen it or had it Beef: hmm maybe that’s an nyc thing then i feel like it was at every f’ing chinese wedding banquet i went to as a kid gross me: yeah i only remember house fried rice and that yee mein Beef: wtf is yee mein is house fried rice the one with everything in it pork, shrimp, peas, egg,...
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Dick jokes, 140 characters at a time
This social media shit is really killing me, kids. Like 90% of the jobs I am interested in/apply for stress the importance of social media. Have I ever managed a Facebook or Twitter account for a company? Is, “No, I never have b/c I’m old and stubborn and curmudgeonly” an acceptable response? How about, “I was on Facebook for about 6 months then I wanted to barf so I quit...
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A Few Questions for the Hot Guy I Pass on the Way...
How often do you think about me? I would say that I think about you a normal amount, taking into account how hot you are, and the fact that I’ve seen you at least a few times a week every week for the past four years. Do you have a list of questions for me, too? If so, why don’t you just ask me? Are you intimidated by the way I never look you in the eye, or by the cool music I’m...
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If you see my body parts strewn along some...
me: did you jog? parttimelonerr: no i will looks cold and dark im collecting songs to make the running bearable me: i wanna run to you by whitney houston oooOOoH i wanna ruuuuuun to yououOOoH parttimelonerr: only rap songs me: so would you be down for hanging out or no? is that not a rap song? parttimelonerr: idk yeah ill hang me: it’s ok if you say no oh damn i was bluffing...
First fail
Just rolled my eyes the old way.
Resume Editing Process
1. Open resume 2. Listen to some music, google band to find out what happened to them, find new to me EP, download 3. Read some resume tips 4. Watch some music videos on youtube then watch the suggested videos 5. Look at list of “action” verbs, decide that none of them apply to anything I’ve done 6. Put PB on some pretzels, eat pretzels 7. Check and update tumblr
Repeat steps...
Words with Turds
I wish my friends would stop pretending they have lives and play a god damned word already.
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Swan Song - Giant Drag
(This is not a song by...